TEN Episode 124 – Duo Episode: Accepting People for Who They Are
00:00:00 - 00:00:08
Gino Wickman
You gotta see life as it is. You gotta see them as they are and accept that. If they're an asshole, let them be an asshole. Love them for being an asshole.
00:00:20 - 00:00:26
Rob Dube
Hello everyone. My name is Rob Dube, and I am here with Gino Wickman. Gino, how are you?
00:00:27 - 00:00:28
Gino Wickman
Hello, Rob.
00:00:28 - 00:00:28
Rob Dube
Are you crushing it?
00:00:29 - 00:00:32
Gino Wickman
I am dandy. I'm crushing it, man. I am crushing it.
00:00:34 - 00:00:43
Rob Dube
Today we're going to talk about accepting people for who they are in business, or how about just in life?
00:00:43 - 00:00:44
Gino Wickman
Bullshit.
00:00:45 - 00:00:47
Rob Dube
Come on. This is such a great topic, and you know it.
00:00:47 - 00:00:48
Gino Wickman
I cannot wait.
00:00:51 - 00:01:28
Rob Dube
In Shine, at the end, you made a plea to the world. I felt essentially to accept people for who they are and to not allow their words to hurt you. Driven people, you all listening? I'm not one of them. Gino is. All right, I'm one of them too. They can be controlling. There are some positives to that, as you're not afraid to act quickly and to execute on things, and you make a huge impact in your life through your craft or in the world in general. But as we write about in Shine, you can also leave a black trail behind yourself.
00:01:29 - 00:01:51
Rob Dube
In your professional life, you might unconsciously expect others to think the way you think and to have the same level of urgency. And in your personal life, you might just be all over the place, so much on your mind and wanting the people in your life to be a certain way. I believe so you can find the peace that you're intuitively desiring but don't know how to get.
00:01:52 - 00:02:15
Rob Dube
I think driven people can forget sometimes that most people are not wired like them. And when you expect others to be something they're not, you're quietly pushing them away. And yourself, by the way, you're pushing yourself to the edge. And this can show up in your hiring, in your managing, in your partnerships, in your marriage, in your parenting, your friendships. I could go on and on.
00:02:15 - 00:02:29
Rob Dube
So let's talk about what changes when you truly accept people for who they are and how self-awareness allows driven people to lead and love with peace in their lives. What do you think, Gino?
00:02:30 - 00:02:43
Gino Wickman
Another great setup. With what you said and the power of this, accepting people for who they are, oh, the magic behind that. But this point I want to make is this. You still have to get rid of some of them.
00:02:44 - 00:03:00
Gino Wickman
We're not saying accept them all, keep them all in your life. That's not what this is about, at least from my standpoint. And I hope this will make sense by the end of what I'm going to say. But I think we're going to have this beautiful back and forth and almost like a two-sides-of-the-coin conversation here. So that's the first thing that was prompted.
00:03:00 - 00:03:37
Gino Wickman
The second thing is one of the greatest pieces of advice I received in the last eight years is to see life as it is. Okay? And so we, the driven, have a really hard time with that because we put on rose-colored glasses, and that's what we're talking about with people. It's like we just don't see them for who they are. We see them for what we're making them up to be. So see life as it is says, see everything in life as it is, including the people in your life. And I hope that's right there a lightning bolt moment for people listening.
00:03:37 - 00:04:11
Gino Wickman
But I'm going to continue to build on this. And like I said, it's going to be a weird approach. I hope I'm making sense. And that is the next thing is this post that I saw that somebody sent to me, and this guy was sharing how we are in love with the idea of people. We're not in love with the person because we keep trying to change the person to be this idea we have of them, and that's what we're in love with, and we keep chasing that. So how messed up is that? Again, we can pull that thread and go deeper into that, but that's not really love.
00:04:12 - 00:04:48
Gino Wickman
So see them for who they are. Accept them for who they are. Appreciate who and what they are in this world and stop trying to put your stamp on them. Now, with that said, there's two sides to this. Okay? And so there are the people in our life that we see something in them that is worthy of nurturing. We see a diamond in the rough. We see somebody with talent, hidden talent, whatever it is. This is a different conversation than that, but that's what we tend to do with everybody. You could be this. You should be this.
00:04:48 - 00:05:16
Gino Wickman
So the one side of the coin is these people that are these incredible talents. They don't even know it, and we can nurture them. But it's the other side that we're talking about where we're making shit up about them. In other words, we're putting our stamp on them, and that is so unfair, so brutal. And I'm not just talking about business. I'm talking in all aspects of life. So everything I said, please, this is in business, and this is in life, friends and family. We do this to all the people in our lives.
00:05:16 - 00:06:01
Gino Wickman
So I have a dream. A boy can dream. And so it gets to the point at the end of our interview and the end of the book that you're bringing up and the way you set this up. And that is, man, if everyone could simply let their freak flag fly, if there were a way to dissolve all egos and we just be our True Selves in the world, every single one of us, 8.5 billion, there would be a complete reshuffling of the deck, but everyone would then settle into exactly what they should be being and doing. Making sense so far?
00:06:01 - 00:06:37
Gino Wickman
So there's the dream. And I believe that day is coming because that's what goes on up in heaven. And someday there's going to be heaven on earth, my humble opinion. I think it's coming sooner than later. Just again, one person's dream. A boy can dream. So I believe in that place, everyone letting their freak flag fly, everybody fully being themselves, not giving a shit about the judgment of anyone, everyone's going to find their place, and it's going to be this beautiful little place, and they'll make their own impact the way they're going to make their impact.
00:06:37 - 00:07:34
Gino Wickman
So I come all the way back to my opening line, and that is you still have to get rid of some of them. So it's like this is not — it's like I have this fear that the way you're saying it, accepting all people, accepting all people, again, does not mean you need to keep them all employed, and it doesn't mean you need to keep them all in your life because some of them are not good for you. But you still got to accept them for who they are. You still got to see them for exactly who they are. You got to see life as it is. You got to see them as they are and accept that. If they're an asshole, let them be an asshole. Love them for being an asshole. If they're lazy and they're never going to work hard, fire them, but still love them and accept the fact that they're lazy. I know I'm not going to go through a list of all kinds of people, but accept them for who they are. Ugh. When I think of what we put on people, it's so unfair. Accept them for who they are. So there would be my jumping-off point after your jumping-off point.
00:07:35 - 00:07:53
Rob Dube
You know, I think about it as well in terms of what lesson am I learning from them. So I often think about people in my life that I'm saying, how can I — they're in my life. You don't have to hang out with them all the time, but there's times where you got to be around them or whatever the case might be.
00:07:54 - 00:08:06
Rob Dube
So you accept them for who they are, all the things you said, and then you say, what lesson am I learning right now, and to not be judgmental about however they're behaving or whatever their situation is.
00:08:06 - 00:08:34
Rob Dube
And I think to a couple of points you made, self-awareness is really important here. Discipline number three is know thyself. So get to know yourself better, understand your tendencies, and start becoming more mindful of them, not reacting to things, slowing yourself down. Discipline number four, be still, useful here. And before you're responding to things, ask yourself, is this about them or is this about my own discomfort?
00:08:35 - 00:08:37
Gino Wickman
So you wrote something down. I'm dying to hear what it is.
00:08:37 - 00:09:02
Rob Dube
Yeah, and it's a couple of things. So when I use these examples, sometimes I use crude examples, and it's not always fair or healthy. But when I say, you're an asshole, you're lazy, that's not fair because that's putting judgment on people. So I'm just having fun with that. The point is whoever and whatever they are, just let them be that. See them for who they are and stop trying to change them. And then from there, you can make decisions.
00:09:02 - 00:09:31
Rob Dube
So what I wrote down, though, is when you said family members, and I couldn't stop myself to immediately respond to that — you took the words out of my mouth in the second part of what I wrote about family members. And that is while you can't fire them, you can greatly reduce your time with them. And so that's what I would advise is once you see them for who they are and you let them be who they are, if you realize it's not healthy for you to be around them, just reduce that time as much as you can. That's probably the most important part.
00:09:31 - 00:10:12
Rob Dube
But let's pretend the time you spend with them is the time you spend with them, regardless of whether you like them or not. Accept them for who they are and detach from any control, ego, hanging on, trying to make meaning out of this, trying to put your stamp on them, trying to change them. Just accept them for who they are. And if you can step out of that and just, again, notice, observe, be aware, be conscious, and just love on them, love on them. It would seem the world would be a better place, or at a minimum, the world between the two of you would be a better place because it's just like it takes all the tension out of the relationship.
00:10:12 - 00:10:32
Rob Dube
Yeah. And as driven people, I think one of the classic things is they're always trying to fix. They're so good at fixing. And in those types of relationships, you might jump to fix when really what is required is just your full presence, just being there, just listening and being fully present, as I mentioned before.
00:10:32 - 00:10:48
Rob Dube
I'm also wondering, driven people can struggle sometimes when others aren't moving at their pace. I mean, driven people are fast movers. They're seeing things, this picture very clearly. You talked about that at the beginning through rose-colored glasses, always.
00:10:49 - 00:11:05
Rob Dube
And I think they can — here's my take on it, and then I want to hear yours. Sometimes they might assume that others are seeing what they see. They're moving fast, and they want others to move at that same pace. And they forget that most people don't move at your pace.
00:11:06 - 00:11:24
Rob Dube
And it reminds me of this visual of myself running and looking back when I was running Image One at someone on my team and saying, "Come on, you could go at this pace," when they can't. And I have to disclose something. I felt that way with you. I can't keep up with your pace.
00:11:24 - 00:11:40
Rob Dube
And what happens when you're running with someone that you can't keep pace with? As a runner, I'll tell you exactly what happens. They drop out. They say, "Screw it. I'm done. I just can't keep up with this," and they move on. So anyway, I just wanted to share that with you. What comes up with you on that one?
00:11:40 - 00:12:10
Gino Wickman
Ooh, one big thing there. So I use the word lazy, okay? And again, I want to use crude words because when a driven person is saying somebody's not moving at their pace, they're thinking that person's lazy. And even vice versa, that poor person who's being accused of being lazy is just as frustrated because it's like, like you just said, "I can't keep up with you. Someone drop out." It's beautiful. So think about that tension in that relationship and that dynamic.
00:12:10 - 00:12:33
Gino Wickman
But what it prompts for me that I think is really important is this point I'm making. Everybody's running at their pace, okay? And so let's pretend because every company has a miles per hour, a speed limit, a pace. And there are some companies, you got to move at 100 miles an hour or you're out. I got lots of clients like that. And there's other companies, they move at 35 miles an hour.
00:12:34 - 00:13:00
Gino Wickman
And you need to decide the miles per hour, the speed limit at which your company moves. And if people can't keep up with the minimum speed limit, get them the fuck out of your organization. Don't call them a name. Don't knock them. There's nothing wrong with them. And if you're in an organization, you move at 35 miles an hour, and you're in a 100-mile-an-hour organization, you should drop out. But don't knock the company. You just got a bunch of hard chargers.
00:13:01 - 00:13:26
Gino Wickman
So all of a sudden, we're not judging each other anymore. We're just saying, this goes back to everybody let their freak flag fly. Everybody admit who and what they are at the speed they move. And there's a nice company out there for you that is your speed limit. Just go find that one. And then I had this funny thought as you were saying how you couldn't keep up with my pace. I said to myself, I was going to say it in the microphone, but I stopped myself. You fucking lazy ass. So just to have a little fun with that. But that's what I got there.
00:13:26 - 00:13:49
Rob Dube
Well, it's been so fun working with you. And I've never felt like dropping out, but I have felt pushed to limits. And I look at that whenever I feel that way. I think to myself, that's a great opportunity for growth. It doesn't mean I'm going to step up to the pace. It's my chance to say, is that really what I want? Do I want that pace and really feeling into that?
00:13:51 - 00:14:19
Rob Dube
And as far as accepting other people, they are the way they are. And just to build on what you were saying, I think when you do that within your organization, it's really beautiful when you start accepting people for who they are. You embrace what's right about them and not what doesn't fit your idea of what it should be. And by the way, that might mean, to your point about the miles per hour, that they're not a good fit in there. Now, how did you say to have them move on? I can't remember your crude way of saying it.
00:14:19 - 00:14:21
Gino Wickman
Where I started? You still have to get rid of them.
00:14:21 - 00:14:29
Rob Dube
You just got to get rid of them. So at Image One, just to contrast, we would say we'll be having a mindful transition. It's more simple.
00:14:30 - 00:14:36
Gino Wickman
Whatever works for words. They're all words. I mean, you could put whatever candy coating you want on it. They're all words.
00:14:36 - 00:14:38
Rob Dube
Yeah. Anyway, anything else coming up for you?
00:14:39 - 00:14:42
Gino Wickman
Not a single thing, my friend. We have literally said it all.
00:14:43 - 00:14:54
Rob Dube
All right. Great. Thanks, Gino. And thanks to all of you for joining us as always. And we will see you next time. And in the meantime, stay focused and much love.
00:14:54 - 00:15:08
Gino Wickman
Thank you for listening in today. We truly appreciate you taking the time to spend with us. And please tune in for the next episode. Until then, we wish you all the best in freeing your True Self. Stay focused and much love.
