Gino Wickman (00:00):
For those of you out there that are looking at all these relationships and realizing that, man, I don't have any 10 and 20 year relationships and I'm burning through people, and all these relationships are short-lived and people don't have my back, it's probably you.
Rob Dube (00:26):
Hello everyone. My name is Rob Dube and I am here with Gino Wickman. Gino, how are you?
Gino Wickman (00:32):
Fantastic.
Rob Dube (00:33):
Whoa, the quiet voice. I love when you bring that out.
Gino Wickman (00:38):
It's my sexy voice, yeah.
Rob Dube (00:39):
The sexy voice, it really is. Okay, so today, Gino, we're going to dive into a topic that all driven people wrestle with, and that's who you surround yourself with in your life. So, what I want us to discuss is intentionally choosing who you allow into your life and into your energy field. So whether it's your inner circle, your business collaborators, your team, or even just your community, this episode is about alignment in your life.
(01:09):
So who you spend time with will either elevate your purpose or quietly pull you off course, and so we're not going to focus on tactics like hiring or retention if you have a business, we're going to explore something deeper, and that is how to become the kind of person who attracts the right people, those who match your values, your energy and your vision, and that all starts on the inside. You have to be willing to look inward and align your own energy first. From that center place, you naturally begin to attract others who are aligned. Not just skilled people in this world, but soulful contributors to what you're building. So I always like to tee it up for you, Gino, and I'm wondering if anything's coming to mind for you?
Gino Wickman (01:57):
Well, there are things coming to mind, I just don't know if I'm on point with you-
Rob Dube (02:01):
Okay, that's all right.
Gino Wickman (02:01):
... so hold me to task.
Rob Dube (02:04):
Yeah, no problem.
Gino Wickman (02:04):
But the first thing that shot into my mind on this topic is something I call the soul of the company. So for almost 20 years now, I've been teaching every leader about the soul of their company. The soul of a company is defined by two things, and that is the core values of the company and the core focus of the company. So, core values are clear. Core focus is really about the passion, the purpose, the cause of the business, and when those two things are clear, the soul of the company is clear. When those two things are not clear, the company is, as I like to say, soulless. It's just you have no soul as an organization.
(02:49):
So I want to start on the business side of things, because we're certainly going to talk about the personal and business side of things in terms of attracting people and surrounding yourself with great people, but when the soul of your organization is clear, you attract people like a magnet that are the right people to align with. Now, we can go deeper into that. I'm going to leave it to you to decide how deep you want to go, but I want to start with that context about is the soul of your company clear? And if it's not, you are attracting a hodgepodge of things, point one.
(03:22):
Point two is now I'm going to go to a balance of both personal and business, because when I talk about core values, same thing in your personal life. When your personal core values are clear, you will start to attract people that align with your core values. There's these wonderful core value cards that I love taking people through in their personal life. It's by think2perform is the company that sells these online.
(03:46):
It's this beautiful pack of cards. 52 different core values, and you go through a process of where you discover your personal core values. So for those of you out there that have not defined your personal core values, that's a great opportunity to do that, because when those are clear, you will start to attract, again, the right people, like I said, but you'll also start to repel the ones that aren't. So, that's really important.
(04:08):
Then last two points as conversation starters are when you interact with people, whether that's in business or in your personal life, just check your body, your body knows. When you are surrounded with the right person that aligns with your energy and all these things we're talking about, you're just going to feel it. It's just this sense of peace and calm and knowing, and when they don't align, you're going to feel that and it's so apparent. So, just start listening to your body.
(04:36):
Then the last thing is Discipline number 10, be humble. This is probably the most important message, because this is a great gauge as to where you are on that spectrum of being humble and arrogant. If you are arrogant, you attract what you are, you will find that you have more arrogant people in your life. So just put the radar up, do that exercise where we urge you to ask five people in your life, where are you on the spectrum? Again, on the other side if you're very humble, you'll tend to attract humble people in your life. So you need to think about as you go forward in life, you want to go forward with a bunch of people that have humility and are humble, or you want to be surrounded by a bunch of people that are arrogant?
Rob Dube (05:14):
Yeah, yeah. So yesterday we were catching up a little bit and you had a meeting with somebody important in your life, and I was reflecting a little bit on that later after our meeting and just how we kind of develop a team in our life personally, but it's also business-related, 'cause it was a business/personal person in your life.
(05:39):
So, what I'm curious about for you is when did you start thinking, if ever, I'm building this team around me of people that ... these are people on the professional side, lawyers, accountants, wealth managers. On the personal side could be spiritual coaches or people that help you go deeper in your life in various modalities, things of that nature. All of a sudden you take a look and you're surrounded by a team, and then you might feel certain energy with one or two of them that doesn't feel quite aligned, but you've known them a long time and you stick with them. That's not what you were saying, but that happens with people.
Gino Wickman (06:23):
Yeah.
Rob Dube (06:24):
So talk about that, 'cause this is where I'm trying to go with energy and attracting those people-
Gino Wickman (06:29):
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Rob Dube (06:30):
... 'cause we can't do this alone, we can't do this life alone.
Gino Wickman (06:34):
Yeah. Yeah, and that's the reason I started with core values and core focus for lack of a better term, because you got to really be clear on who you are, and again, that's what you're going to attract. I think when you're not clear on who you are, you're putting up this staticky message. So I can't remember who we were talking about in the conversation yesterday, so I'm a little distracted trying to remember that, but it's not relevant, 'cause I know the point you're trying to ask.
(06:57):
So, as I think about my life at 57 years old and the people I have in my business life around me and the people I have in my personal life around me, it's a pretty good team, and let's start with business. It's years in the making. So, this is what's important is it's not like you're going to listen to this podcast episode and six months from now you're going to have these 20 people around you that are perfect, it's a process. This is 10 year thinking that we're talking about, take a long-term outlook.
(07:29):
So as I look back, these relationships that I currently have, they're closing in on 30 years some of them, and so it takes time. It also takes time to determine if they're not the right one. So, you mentioned attorney. I have an amazing attorney, I think 15 years we've been together. I went through so many attorneys prior to him, it didn't click, this one's great. My accountant has been with me for over 30 years, almost 40 years as crazy as that is, we just have always clicked.
(08:05):
Again, time. I'm doing the math right now in my head, I'm thinking about five, 10, 15, 20 years we've been together, but I kissed a lot of toads. Then on my personal life, I'll be redundant to repeat all of that, but friends, it's like you start hanging out with somebody, it doesn't feel right, you make that quick decision. I've got my high school friends, so do the math on that. What is that? 45 years we've been hanging out, maybe a little less than that. I have 40 year friends, 30 year friends, 20 year friends, so hopefully that's [inaudible 00:08:41]
Rob Dube (08:41):
So for the listener, take a look at your inner circle and then the circle beyond that circle and the circle beyond that circle, and really I encourage you to take a close look at who those people are. Now, I had something, no coincidence that this came up yesterday. After our meeting, I met up with somebody and they were asking me some questions about who does my wealth management. So we got into this conversation, and through that conversation this person shared with me that she'd been using her spouse's uncle for years and kind of felt obligated.
(09:20):
But this person, the uncle, the wealth manager, had done a great job for them, but something wasn't feeling right to her, and so that's why she was asking me about the person I use. I said, "Well, what's really going on?" She said, "I don't really know, because he does do a good job." I just encouraged her, "I don't know, something's telling you inside that something doesn't feel right." I just encouraged her to follow that, because you don't want somebody in your life where you feel like that, and maybe some of you out there can relate to that. Maybe there's somebody in your life like that that it just doesn't feel right, but yet you keep them around for what seems like what I like to call analytical reasons. So, consider that. Is anything coming up for you?
Gino Wickman (10:06):
Yeah, the thought that's coming up, I think it's in the same vein, but maybe a little different. So, 10 year thinking is coming up for me and I'm thinking about that person. What flashed into my mind in the situation you're describing is I'm thinking about this person that knows they're in a bad relationship. Now, when I say that, I'm not talking about a marriage, I'm talking about it could be as simple as, like you're talking about, your accountant, your attorney, an employee, a business partner. It could be anything, but you're in a bad relationship. Just meaning, it's a terrible term to use, there's not an alignment there, there's not an energy match there.
(10:39):
I think about that person who's sitting there, and in this case I'm picturing this 45-year-old, okay, that's thinking, but I'm 45 and life's almost over, and I don't want to go through the process of finding a new attorney, accountant, a this, a that. When 10 year thinking says by my math, it's going to take you one or two years to fully replace that person and feel good about the next person. But you're going to be 47, you still have 40 good years left, so 10 year thinking says, zoom out, don't get so fixated on, oh my God, it's going to be a tumultuous year making this change. No, look at how beautiful your life is going to be 10 years from now. It is so worth it.
(11:17):
So every decision with these people, at least in the last 30 years, or worst case the last 20 years, I'm taking this 10 year outlook that says, this is a 10-year relationship at a minimum that I'm forming here, so when it doesn't feel right, it's a no-brainer to just get to work on making that change for how exciting 10 and 20 and 30 years from now can look.
Rob Dube (11:39):
Yeah, I love that you're bringing that up, because one of the questions that came to me when I was preparing was what gets in our way of making conscious choices around who we surround ourselves with? I was thinking about myself, so personal share, sometimes I've just made the mistake of rushing in to fill a role of an important person in my life, because I just felt pressure and I wanted to check the box and move on and find the perfect person, and sometimes it backfires and actually oftentimes it backfires. What I did was ignore my intuition and let patience drive the process.
(12:18):
Then once I've done that, I might sit around and make excuses for the person, which are really just excuses for me, because I wasn't patient and I don't want to admit I made a bad decision, but deep down I knew they were not aligned. So if you're listening, you might ask yourself, what part of me wants to move fast and avoid discomfort, even if it means compromising alignment in your life? Or what do I need to trust within myself to slow down and choose more consciously? So, anything coming to mind for you?
Gino Wickman (12:50):
Yeah, it's kind of a new thought, so what I wrote down is burning through people, okay? So, I'm thinking about all of my driven entrepreneur clients that I've personally worked with and then driven people in general in all walks of life, how they just burn through people and burn out people. So it's coming so clear, and the message I want to send is if you out there are struggling with forming these relationships that we're talking about, I'm going to say this as nice as I can, and I'm bringing something in, an "Aha" from four months ago, three months ago during annual season, but it's you.
(13:35):
So it was too uncanny, but in a two-week span, three different clients at the conclusion of the annual planning uttered the exact same words. They said, "It's me." So, we got to the end of those two days and they finally saw that it was them. "It's me, I'm the reason." So, that's coming up in such a strong way right now. For those of you out there that are looking at all these relationships and realizing that, man, I don't have any 10 and 20 year relationships and I'm burning through people and all these relationships are short-lived and people don't have my back, it's probably you.
(14:16):
But here's the good news. At your core, your True Self, your soul is this beautiful ball of light, you are perfect. So, there's some shit from the past that's hanging on to you, let it go. You deserve everything we're talking about, you're capable of everything we're talking about, but you got to start with that confronting yourself and acknowledging that if this, in fact, what I'm describing is you, or you're having these experiences, it's probably you, and there's hope. So whether you're sitting there at 35 or 45 or 55 or 65 or even 75, there's still hope. You've got at least one, if not two or three good decades left to build an amazing life, so for what that's worth.
Rob Dube (15:02):
You just made me think of a ... I have an outline for a book that I created called You're The Problem.
Gino Wickman (15:10):
That's it, that's it.
Rob Dube (15:10):
I always liked that title.
Gino Wickman (15:11):
Yeah.
Rob Dube (15:11):
But anyway, one thing I wanted to mention is that I noticed a pattern in my own life that became kind of a compass, and that was I started to notice what I like to call somebody who's a hard, hard person or somebody who's a hard, easy person. So what we do know for sure is life is going to present challenges no matter what, and some people make hard times even harder, and that's hard, hard, and others remain steady and collaborative throughout tough times, and that's hard, easy. So once I started to see that, I got a lot clearer about who belonged in my life and my business. Obviously hard, easy people are the best people to be around. So, anything else coming up for you on this one, Gino?
Gino Wickman (16:00):
I've got nothing else.
Rob Dube (16:01):
All right, thank you. Then we're out of time. What?
Gino Wickman (16:07):
What?
Rob Dube (16:08):
That's it? Get out of here. All right, everyone, well, thanks again for joining us. I want to encourage you, surround yourself with people who light you up, who challenge you to grow and hold you accountable to your highest self. So we'll see you next time, and as always, stay focused and much love.
Gino Wickman (16:27):
Thank you for listening in today. We truly appreciate you taking the time to spend with us, and please tune in for the next episode. Until then, if you'd like to see where you are on your True Self journey, go to shedandshinepodcast.com to take the True Self assessment and receive personalized guidance. If you're all ready to begin your inner world journey with Rob and myself, please join us for the next round of the 10 Disciplines group coaching program. We wish you all the best in freeing your True Self. Stay focused and much love.
