Gino Wickman (00:00):
Welcome to the Shed and Shine podcast. I am Gino Wickman. This is where Rob Dube and I help driven entrepreneurs shed their shit, free their True Selves, unlock true entrepreneurial freedom, and shine. We truly appreciate you taking the time to spend with us, and we hope to make a huge impact on you.
(00:21):
Hello and welcome back. This episode I call, What is Your Soft Underbelly? What is your soft underbelly? So this one came to me yesterday in the shower, which is quite frankly where a lot of my ideas come from. And frankly, 20% of the content in the book, Shine, came to me in the shower. So I'll start by deeply apologizing for that image, but for some reason, that's where the ideas come, showers, Starbucks, and meditation. Those are usually the biggies.
(01:06):
And so with that, here's what came to me. And so it was this thought and this realization that we all have a soft underbelly. Now, soft underbelly is a metaphor for your biggest perceived vulnerability or weakness. Now, I want to repeat that because I chose those words very specifically and purposefully. So again, your soft underbelly, my soft underbelly, is a metaphor for your biggest perceived, that's the key word, vulnerability or weakness. Now, soft underbelly is a real term. Animals, a porcupine, for instance, is so well protected, but their underbelly is soft, and that's where they're weak, and that's where the predator tries to get them. It's us on the battlefield. We have a soft underbelly on the battlefield when we're in battle, I.E. the conference room, and so we're trying to protect our soft underbelly, even in the conference room in business. Companies have a soft underbelly, a weakness. Countries have a soft underbelly. Armies have a soft underbelly. So again, this is a metaphor that I'm using for what the real term soft underbelly is, and I'm sure you've heard it used many times over the years.
(02:42):
With that said, it is different for everyone, so we don't all have the same soft underbelly. The 8.5 billion of us on this planet don't all have the exact same one, and so it's different for everyone, and it is our kryptonite, and I hope to explain that clearly in this podcast episode. And so it's the one big thing that you are trying to protect or hide from the world. And by doing so, my belief is that it's weakening you, which I hope to illustrate in what I'm sharing here. And so it's something that we most fear showing the world about ourselves, and if we show it, something horrible is going to happen. So I want to repeat that. It's something we most fear showing the world about ourselves, and if we show it, we believe something horrible is going to happen.
(03:47):
And ultimately, these deep fears, this has been said many ways, but you can chase every one of your slash our deep fears all the way to death. Everything leads to death. So I'm going to lose all my money or I'm going to lose all the people in my life. So I'm going to lose all my money. I'm going to end up homeless, I'm going to end up starving, I'm going to die. Everybody in my life's going to leave me. And if I do, I'll be lonely, and I'm going to die. You can literally take every fear to death. That's the ultimate root of most fears. And so this soft underbelly metaphor fear that you have, ultimately you think by exposing this and sharing this with the world, you are ultimately going to die or some horrific thing is going to happen to you, same as me.
(04:35):
And so for me, my soft underbelly is the realization and exposing that I am human, that I am normal, that I am flawed, that I am not perfect. And so I spent three to four years ago, 52 years of my life just trying to be perfect and not expose that I'm human, that I have flaws, that I'm not normal. And so that means I do cry, and I do get scared, and I do fuck up. And so I am normal. And so it has been so exhilarating and refreshing as I continue to expose and admit my soft underbelly.
(05:28):
So for some reason in my life, I always thought I had to be perfect, and the more aware you become of this as I have, you start to chase it down to the roots of where it came from. And I really thought that if I wasn't perfect, it would all come crashing down. I mean, I literally saw visions of losing control of everything. I was holding everything up, and it would all come crashing down. And then again, if I play that play out in my mind what that means for it to all come crashing down, I could take it all the way at chain of events to where I die. Okay? And so I'm going to go broke, I'm going to lose it all, people are going to leave me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I'm going to die. So with that, that's mine.
(06:16):
My question for you is what is yours? What I want you to do in this episode is to ponder what is your soft underbelly? Again, to repeat exactly what that is, it is your biggest perceived vulnerability or weakness. And so just ponder that for a minute. I'm going to slow down just for a few seconds here. You could even hit pause and ponder that. But what is yours?
(06:50):
We then put a metaphorical plate of armor over it to protect us, to protect it, but the realization of that is it's only restricting us from being truly free, from fully being ourselves, from fully freeing your True Self. And so again, once you realize what it is, we then put this metaphorical suit of armor, shield of armor, plate of armor over it in every situation in life because we're so afraid of somebody getting us in our soft underbelly and ultimately killing us.
(07:41):
So at this point, I hope to have contextually articulated to you this visual image and understanding of this thing you are trying to protect and how you protect it with that plate of armor from the world, so they don't get you. With that being clear, and hopefully yours is clear, I want to now take you to the next level of understanding because what I realized and what I have now realized in the last three to four years is that if I expose it, if I admit it, if I share it, if you expose it, if you admit it, if you share it, what I realized is here are the magic words that came to me in the shower. Two things came to me, soft underbelly, and then this statement. And the statement was, if you expose it, you will find the key to the universe. If you expose it, you will find key to the universe.
(08:56):
Now you get to use whatever word you want for universe. You'll expose the key to true freedom or the key to peace or the key to heaven on earth or the key to God, or whatever word works for you, but you will literally find the key. In saying that, I want to prepare you for this, at least this is my experience. Because here's the scary part, when you expose it, your fear of getting hurt or losing something or something bad happening, I want to say this, you will probably get hurt. I'm purposely pausing right there. You will probably get hurt. Exposing it hurts, and you will probably get hurt. It is a tough, cruel world out there, and some people are mean. Evil does exist. And so there's some people that take great pride and find joy in hurting you and exposing your soft underbelly.
(10:14):
But what I believe, because in saying that, and that's what I've experienced, what I believe with every ounce of my being and what I experienced is that's the opportunity. The pain, the hurt, the suffering from that is your lesson, was my lesson. It's your lesson, your opportunity to shed it all and shine, so let's dive into what that means, lesson, because I will tell you, it's maddening to me. It was maddening to me to keep hearing over and over and over about problems, challenges, setbacks, and how they're lessons because my style and my nature was always to just push through every challenge, every setback, every issue, climb over the wall, push through it, knock it down, whatever it took, and just keep going, and I did not spend a lot of time pausing and reflecting on what I learned from that lesson, from that issue, from that problem, and then bettered myself as a result, ascended more, evolved more, grew more, learned more.
(11:39):
Now again, that was indirectly happening, but I probably had to experience it 10 times to get the lesson when if I would've just paused the first time it happened, I could have gotten the lesson the first time. But the point I'm making in all of this is that if you expose your underbelly, and again, so what that means for me, how I do that is again, I thought I was perfect. I thought I had to be perfect. I didn't want to show the world that I was human and normal and flawed and real. And so the way it shows up for me, the way I expose it is by being real.
(12:17):
Now, I've always cried. I've been comfortable crying in front of people, but it's just different now, and when I screw up, I've always been able, I've always taken responsibility for screw-ups, but just admitting it and talking about when times are tough or there's a challenge, just being open about that, I always would have to figure out how to candy-coat or say it a different way or still sound strong. And so it's just me being vulnerable and just sharing openly the soft underbelly that I do think I have to be perfect.
(12:56):
And so we're talking about lessons here. So an example of a lesson is that when I expose, admit my soft underbelly and a evil or mean person in my life purposefully hurts me as a result of it, purposely takes pride or joy in hurting me, the lesson I learned is how that person should not be in my life. And I may have spent a year, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years with that person in a dysfunctional relationship. And now that person has been exposed, that relationship has been exposed for what it is. There's the lesson, move on. Surround yourself with people that truly and unconditionally love you for who you are and that you truly love them unconditionally for who they are.
(13:54):
The other lessons that come up, at least for me, is I will realize the root of why on earth I felt I had to be perfect. And I'm able to then chase it down to things that have happened in my life where I felt the need to protect myself and put the armor plate on. And if you want some specifics there, read the first few pages of Shine. I've shared it all there in all of my past trauma and what made me ultimately put on my suit of armor at age 15 and try and protect myself from the world.
(14:30):
One more example is somebody gave me advice. I did a talk where I just kind of let go and let it fly and fully was myself, and two-thirds of the audience loved it, one-third of the audience. It was really painful for me. But what he said to me is he said, "The beauty of when you completely let go and let it fly, you're going to find the boundaries. You're going to learn some things." And that's exactly what happened for me because I learned a lot about myself, and I learned a lot about that one-third of the audience, which again, only made me better, us better, it better. And again, I just continued to grow. Lessons, lessons, lessons.
(15:14):
And so I just want to plant that seed for you. As you realize your soft underbelly, as you see that armor plate that covers it and tries to protect from the world, as you finally take it off and just enter the danger, admit it, put yourself out there. There's a great quote that says, "The cave you fear to enter contains the treasure that you seek." That's what this is all about. Lessons, lessons, lessons. The things you will learn will lead you to that treasure.
(15:55):
So here's the good news. If you will take off the armor, expose your underbelly, learn all those lessons, you will survive. Or at least I did. Oh, I hope you survive, but I believe you will survive. I can't guarantee, but I believe you will survive. I survived, and the journey just keeps getting better and better and better. And the more that I expose it and admit it, the more love I receive and the more love I give. My relationships with my friends and family is closer.
(16:34):
Something amazing that my son shared with me is where I'm now more open about if my wife and I are having an argument about something, I'm comfortable telling him that, where four years ago, I wanted my kids to believe that we never fought. Or whenever I'm having a challenge in business, I would never share that, and I share those things with him and my daughter now in the last three to four years. And what he said to me is that he's so grateful that I share these problems and challenges that I have because he's learning. It helps him apply it to his life, and it's making his marriage better and his work better. And so what a gift that is.
(17:18):
And I also find as I continue to expose it, admit it, share it, just again, be human, I am more myself, I'm a better leader, I'm a better businessman, I make better love-based decisions because there's no facade. It takes less effort. My energy soars because the guard is not up, and I'm just fully being me.
(17:46):
So I ask you, in closing, what is your soft underbelly? And once you clearly see it, please remove the armor plate. I hope that pinged your soul.
(18:06):
Thank you for listening in today. We truly appreciate you taking the time to spend with us, and please tune in for the next episode. Until then, if you'd like to see where you are on your True Self journey, go to ShedandShinePodcast.com to take the True Self assessment and receive personalized guidance. If you're all ready to begin your inner world journey with Rob and myself, please join us for the next round of the 10 Disciplines Group Coaching Program. We wish you all the best in freeing your True Self, stay focused, and much love.
