Gino Wickman (00:00):
Welcome to the Shed And Shine Podcast. I am Gino Wickman. This is where Rob Dube and I help driven entrepreneurs shed their free, their True Selves unlock true entrepreneurial freedom, and shine. We truly appreciate you taking the time to spend with us, and we hope to make a huge impact on you.
(00:21):
Hello and welcome back. This riff, this episode, I call Four Things to Make You Go "Huh." So as I shared in the past, every once in a while I have a handful of topics or messages I want to share, and they just really don't fill up a full episode because they're two, three, four minute topics, and that's what we have today. And so I'm going to share four things with you that have been rolling around in my head or what I've been observing, and again, just weren't worthy of a full episode. And so here we go.
(00:55):
We're going to start with number one, and number one I call: attachment. And so Rob and I, know, write about this in the book Shine. Hopefully you've read it. I highly recommend you do because I'm not going to go deep into attachment because we've already done that. But there were two really interesting things that happened in the last 30 days that really got my attention. And I thought they were just great teaching moments, certainly for me and hopefully for you. But in a nutshell, if you don't understand the concept, it's just a concept that we human beings, we tend to be attached to the things in our lives, and simply put, we shouldn't. I don't know how else to say that, and I'm being as nice as I can. But if we are our True Selves and we are living from our souls, there is nothing to be attached to.
(01:54):
And so attachment is where we're just feeling attached to people in our lives, to our business, to our money, to our tangible; whatever it is, we're just attached. And another way of thinking about it's been also called, "We have hooks in each other." And so if you think of relationships and relationships, sometimes people have hooks in us or we have hooks in them, and it's not healthy. And if you can get to a place where you have no attachment, it is a much more peaceful journey. Easier said than done. But the root of attachment, when you are attached, this is what leads to your control issues, my control issues, jealousy, possessiveness, and I could go through a laundry list of probably a hundred other issues that are really symptoms of the root, that is attachment. Well, on that note, again, two really interesting things happen.
(02:53):
First of all, I was watching this incredible video that a gentleman sent to me, and it is a video, just a three, four-minute video on his life. And he's had a really incredible life as a videographer and documentarian, I think is what it's called, but what he shared in the video was very profound. And he was sharing something about his relationship with his wife, and he has been an alcoholic most of his life, recovered hallelujah. But with that, what he shared and the turning point for him was there's something that Rob and I teach where the way to know that you're attached to someone in your life is to answer this question. And so if you knew that person would be better off without you, would you let them go? And I shared that with an audience once, and somebody yells out from the back of the room, "Hell no!"
(04:03):
So that's a scary, scary thought, obviously for a lot of us. And this goes for your significant other, family members, friends, employees, the whole gamut. This is the way you find out if you're truly attached to someone. Well, what this gentleman shared in the video about his relationship with his wife and his alcoholism is that there was a point in his life when he had an aha moment when he was probably at his worst and in his deepest darkest point in his drinking, where he realized, I am getting chills right now. I mean, just like he handed this incredible statement to me where he said, "I realized that my wife would be better off without me." And so I think this goes back like 20 years for him. But he said, "I realized my wife would be better off without me." And for some reason I'm getting a little emotional about saying that out loud.
(05:02):
And in that moment, he changed. It changed everything for him. So going back to the statement that Rob and I teach, "If you knew they were better off without you, would you let them go?" In most cases, you need to let them go because it's a very dysfunctional relationship. What it did for him was got him to stop drinking and changed his entire life because it was so important; he loved her so much that he was willing to change. The second thing I want to share is something that was told to me by a gentleman I met who was a pastor. And this particular pastor had worked with hundreds of couples, if not thousands of couples, and these couples were in trouble, tough relationships, planning on getting divorced, really going through challenging times. And what he shared, he said, "Almost 100% of the time, the couples that endured and survived were the ones where the individual took responsibility for solving their issues."
(06:17):
And so what we do a lot of times in our relationships is we're telling the significant other what's wrong with them and what they need to correct. His point is the people that looked at themselves and solved and worked on their issues, the relationships survived. And that's exactly what happened in this video, where that particular gentleman realized, "She's better off without me. I'm going to change because I don't want to lose her." And they've been together ever since. So with that said, on this particular thing that makes you go, "Huh," I ask you, what are you attached to? And there's an episode called the True Self Exercise. And the purpose behind that exercise is to help you discover what you're attached to. I would urge you to go back to that; it's episode eight, and whatever pings you in that exercise is a good insight to what you are attached to in your life.
(07:17):
Onto number two. So this one I call the suit of armor. And so again, we've talked about this in the past, but a couple ahas here. And so this could be called many things; we'll call it the suit of armor, but also known as the facade that we put up, the layers of protection to protect us from the world. Again, it's just all our ego guarding us from ever feeling pain again. And so again, for the sake of this conversation, we're going to call it the suit of armor. And what I want you to do here is think about when you put your suit of armor on. And as I've shared for me, it was age 15 after a lot of trauma in my childhood. And as I talk about when alcohol touched my lips for the first time, it was like a wake-up call again, never a problem, thank goodness.
(08:07):
But what it did was it just numbed me and turned off my ego, but it helped me to create a facade that was not healthy, a suit of armor, but that's when I put it on to protect myself from the world. Interesting insight there is, I just came back from my August sabbatical, and what I did on this sabbatical is I went back to what I used to do at age 14, okay? And so from age nine to age 14, I was a very creative kid. I used to paint, draw, and I was pretty good at it. And so, I went back to doing that, and it was very profound to just kind of go back. I really enjoyed it; I got lost in it. But for me, again, I am so clear on when I put the suit of armor on. I think it's vital for you that when you put the suit of armor on and why, with that clarity, what I ask and urge you to do is to be vulnerable and trust and understand why you put it on.
(09:13):
Look at if you still have it on, and to think about what situations do you keep it on the most, because I will tell you, it's holding you back. When we have our suits of armor on, we are just not fully our True Selves. And again, it's holding us back. And so another thing that happened for me in the last 30 days was this really profound conversation, and it was about removing my helmet. So the final piece of the suit of armor, and again, I'm not perfect and I'm still shedding and I'm still removing that suit of armor, but it's certainly better than ever. But it was a great clarity moment for me as to just another step in the work that I need to do. And that's what I'm urging you to do, so that ultimately that suit of armor comes off. But when I talk about being vulnerable in trusting, there was still a ping of fear that if I fully take it off, "Is someone going to harm me again?"
(10:18):
It's better than ever; it's healthier than ever, but it was beautiful how it showed up again that I still have some work to do. And in that I just relearned; it took me back, and I think it helped me to shed another layer and get another step closer to removing that suit of armor. And what I realized in that process is how I've got to go to another level of trust, another level of letting go. But this word discernment keeps coming up. About what I have to get better at now is trusting my intuition and have better discernment about the people that I allow into my life so I don't have to protect myself. I hope that makes sense to you. With that said, what I would urge on this is for you again to think about what situations do you keep it on the most.
(11:18):
I urge you to say it out loud. I urge you to address it. And then another fun thing to do is go to the other side of that and look at what situations do you not have the suit of armor on. What situations are you comfortable completely removing the suit of armor so you can see and feel and experience what that feels like? And if this conversation pinged you, the suit of armor, again, I urge you to read Shine or go back and reread the first half of Shine, which will really shed some light on this for you.
(11:50):
Onto number three. This one I call warrior energy. So another little aha here, and I'm really hoping I can convey this, but I'm using the term warrior energy, and we, driven entrepreneurs, we have the soul of driven entrepreneurs, and we are typically warriors, which means we are great in a battle. We are great at solving big problems; we are great in a crisis. That is where we shine. And if you look back on your history, and as I look back on my history, that is where I have shined the most and been most effective. Now, with that, there's a downside to it because there isn't always a crisis, and there isn't always a battle to fight. And what happens is when there isn't a battle or a crisis, we tend to create one.
(12:55):
And I observed and watched someone give advice to someone with this warrior energy recently, and it was like a light bulb moment because I realized it's what I'm experiencing; in the last 10 and 15 years, I've been able to do this. But when there is no crisis, when there is no battle to fight again, we tend to go create it. Like I said. Well, the advice was, "Sometimes we just need to sit it out. We need to rest."
(13:30):
Now, that's the word I'm using because I'm going to personalize this in just a second. But the idea is knowing that there isn't always a battle and a crisis, and knowing how good we are at it, sometimes it's okay to just take a break. And I realize what's happening for me is I have just finished this three-year intense period of bringing Shine to the world and these 10 Disciplines and the content in Shine with Rob Dube. And it has been intense. And again, it's not a battle or a crisis, but again, it's a big, big, big project. And what I realize is the work is done; just from a standpoint of the creation of it, we've got a lot to execute now, but what I realize in this sabbatical that I just came back from is I am resting right now, and I urge you to consider this point.
(14:28):
I am resting; I am sitting on the sidelines; I am waiting to be called for my next thing. And I know it's coming, but there's this patience that I'm learning, and I urge you to consider, a patience for the next one. It will come; this is what we are here to in the world. So instead of going out and creating a crisis, how about we just simply wait for the next one and recharge our batteries and rest in this wonderful time and opportunity that we have so that we're better than ever for the next big project, idea, crisis, battle?
(15:14):
And last but not least, here is number four of the Four Things to Make You Go "Huh." This one I call the judgment triple whammy. So again, the judgment triple whammy. Someone once said to me, "Judgment is what keeps us from love." Now, you can say that a few different ways.
(15:40):
Judgment is what keeps us from God. Judgment is what keeps us from consciousness, from freedom, from being our True Selves. Now, on that note, there are three forms of judgment. Number one is that we judge others. Number two is that we judge ourselves. Number three is where we worry about the judgment of others, people judging us. So now what I'm going to do is go a little deeper into this, but starting with number one, judging others. The idea here is to be aware. I'm going to urge a mini exercise for you, which is just to think about which one you suffer from the most. And so as I take you through these in a little deeper level, be thinking about which one you suffer from the most. And so starting with number one, judging others, pretty self-explanatory. But this is where we are constantly judging other people, having opinions of them, putting our stuff on them.
(16:49):
Number two is when we are judging ourselves. It's that internal voice where we just beat the heck out of ourselves, judging ourselves. And number three is where, again, we worry about what other people think about us, their judgment of us. There's a lot of judgment going on out there, so for me, this is actually the one I suffer from the most because I can feel it. I can feel other people's judgment. Not perfect at the others, but this is the one I suffer from the most. And so, again, this is one where we worry about what other people think. And so as we go forward, we run that through that filter, so we don't always make the best decisions for ourselves because we're thinking about how other people are going to react. And so, with the judgment triple whammy. And knowing that judgment is what keeps us from love, God, consciousness, freedom, our True Selves, I urge you to think about which one you suffer from the most.
(17:47):
And then once you have done that, I urge you to give some thought to it. Take this next seven days and just simply be aware of it. Just be aware for the next seven days and observe how it's showing up for you. You could meditate on it, you could journal on it, you can contemplate, you can pray on it, whatever works for you but just be aware and spend time on it. And then I would urge you to talk to someone about it. Just have a conversation with a friend, family, someone who you love and trust that you can have these kind of conversations, and just simply have a conversation about it.
(18:31):
And those are the Four Things to Make You Go "Huh."
(18:35):
Thank you for listening in today. We truly appreciate you taking the time to spend with us, and please tune in for the next episode. Until then, if you'd like to see where you are on your True Self journey, go to shedandshinepodcast.com to take the True Self-assessment and receive personalized guidance. If you're all ready to begin your inner world journey with Rob and myself, please join us for the next round of the 10 Disciplines group coaching program. We wish you all the best in freeing your True Self, stay focused, and much love.
